A Dream Realised
Being a father has been a dream of mine for at least five years and I still pinch myself every now and then to make sure I’m not dreaming.
Let us however start with the beginning as I don’t really know where else to start.
Even though it was my dream to be a farther I kept convincing myself that I didn’t really deserve being a father. “I don’t make enough money”, “I can’t even look after myself, how am I going to care for a child?”, “I’m not a good enough example for a child to follow”, etc. Two and a half years ago all these reasons just seemed to disappear. I finally had enough confidence to want to have a child of my own. I had no more excuses. I met the love of my life. I restarted my career in my hometown. I was satisfied.
As these things go however new challenges and with them new questions started to appear. I was based in my hometown, but my work required me to be away from home during the week. My girlfriend at the time and now my fiancé had no family close by and became very lonely. So I was happy but was stressing as to how long will she be able to hold out before she wants to be back with her family, her friends and human interaction? She however is the strongest person I know. She did not let the loneliness get her down and even when she was feeling alone she would convince me that I’m doing the right thing and I had to work and that we will always be together.
Then the big news, she had cervical cancer. I was devastated being away from her and felt I could not give her the support she needs. When she had her chemo sessions I was 1800km’s away with no real chance to support her. I wanted to be there and I wanted to hold her hand every day and be strong for her. I pleaded with our head office and to their credit they did all they could to bring me back to work closer to home where I could support her every day and not just weekends.
After fighting for almost a year she had survived and beaten stage 3 cancer. It was a miracle, but there is always an even darker lining around every silver lining and we were told by doctors that we would never be able to have children. My dream was shattered. We were devastated as we both wanted children and believed that we would be able to be parents eventually.
All of a sudden you see babies everywhere as if the universe is laughing in your face, taunting you and saying, “Look at these people, look how happy they are being parents, you will never be this happy!” My friends started announcing they were going to have children, and at 30 years old most of them already had children as well. Then the cousins started having kids. It got to the point where we were discussing adoption.
There was still one thing we had to sort out however, marriage. We love each other and if we could we would have been married as soon as possible. Money and circumstances however forced us to delay more than once. We finally set our date for 26 March 2016. We started planning in all earnest. We had a venue, started finalising our guest lists and then out of the blue my fiancé said that she might be pregnant.
Could it be? After everyone telling us it would never happen. We had instances in the past where we had hoped that maybe she is, but not once were we really convinced. I mean, the doctors, the experts, they said it will never happen. We immediately went to the pharmacy and bought three pregnancy tests, we had to be sure. After the first one we were unsure as they lines weren’t real clear, but then the second and again the third immediately showed a positive result. We were elated but understandably we were cautions of becoming too excited. We booked an appointment with our GP and waited. One of the longest weeks of my life!
As we walked into the GP’s office he could see our sheepish smiles and without missing a beat asked us if we were there for a pregnancy test. Two vials of blood and 24 hours later, it was confirmed. 3-4 weeks pregnant. The next chapter in our lives was about to begin!!!! My dream had finally been realised!!! I was going to be a farther!!!
